All Becoming Is Disintegration

The mind has an idea, perhaps pleasurable, and it wants to be like that idea, which is a projection of your desire. You are this, which you do not like, and you want to become that, which you like. The ideal is a self-projection; the opposite is an extension of what is; it is not the opposite at all, but a continuity of what is, perhaps somewhat modified. The projection is self-willed, and conflict is the struggle towards the projection. …You are struggling to become something, and that something is part of yourself. The ideal is your own projection. See how the mind has played a trick upon itself. You are struggling after words, pursuing your own projection, your own shadow. You are violent, and you are struggling to become nonviolent, the ideal; but the ideal is a projection of what is, only under a different name.

When you are aware of this trick that you have played upon yourself, then the false as the false is seen. The struggle towards an illusion is the disintegrating factor. All conflict, all becoming is disintegration. When there is an awareness of this trick that the mind has played upon itself, then there is only what is. When the mind is stripped of all becoming, of all ideals, of all comparison and condemnation, when its own structure has collapsed, then the what is has undergone complete transformation. As long as there is the naming of what is, there is relationship between the mind and what is; but when this naming process—which is memory, the very structure of the mind—is not, then what is is not. In this transformation alone is there integration.

The Book of Life – February 2

Becoming Is Strife

Life as we know it, our daily life, is a process of becoming. I am poor and I act with an end in view, which is to become rich. I am ugly and I want to become beautiful. Therefore my life is a process of becoming something. The will to be is the will to become, at different levels of consciousness, in different states, in which there is challenge, response, naming, and recording. Now, this becoming is strife, this becoming is pain, it is not? It is a constant struggle: I am this, and I want to become that.

The Book of Life – February 1

Relationship Is a Mirror

Self-knowledge is not according to any formula. You may go to a psychologist or a psychoanalyst to find out about yourself, but that is not self-knowledge. Self-knowledge comes into being when we are aware of ourselves in relationship, which shows what we are from moment to moment. Relationship is a mirror in which to see ourselves as we actually are. But most of us are incapable of looking at ourselves as we are in relationship, because we immediately begin to condemn or justify what we see. We judge, we evaluate, we compare, we deny or accept, but we never observe actually what is, and for most people this seems to be the most difficult thing to do; yet this alone is the beginning of self-knowledge. If one is able to see oneself as one is in this extraordinary mirror of relationship, which does not distort, if one can just look into this mirror with full attention and see actually what is, be aware of it without condemnation, without judgment, without evaluation—and one does this when there is earnest interest—then one will find that the mind is capable of freeing itself from all conditioning; and it is only then that the mind is free to discover that which lies beyond the field of thought.

After all, however learned or however petty the mind may be, it is consciously or unconsciously limited, conditioned, and any extension of this conditioning is still within the field of thought. So freedom is something entirely different.

The Book of Life – January 31

Jika Kau dan Aku

Banyak manusia mencari cahaya, karena mereka hidup dalam kegelapan, tiada kebaikan yang dapat mereka lihat tanpa cahaya.

Jika kau dan aku adalah cahaya, maka kita tidak memerlukan cahaya apapun, oleh karenanya pencarian yang melelahkan pun kan sirna.

Banyak manusia mencari kedamaian, karena mereka hidup dalam kecemasan, tiada ketenangan yang dapat mereka rasakan tanpa kedamaian.

Jika kau dan aku adalah kedamaian, maka kita tidak memerlukan kedamaian, oleh karenanya pencarianpun sirna.

Banyak manusia merindukan kasih sayang, karena mereka hidup dalam kehampaan, tiada kegembiraan yang hadir tanpanya.

Jika kau dan aku adalah kasih sayang, maka kerinduanpun akan terhapuskan, dan kebahagiaan akan tercipta dengan sendirinya.

Banyak manusia mengejar ruang dan waktu, karena mereka hidup dalam keterbatasan, tiada pemenuhan yang dapat mereka capai tanpa keduanya.

Jika kau dan aku adalah ketiadaan dan keabadian, maka kita tidak memerlukan ruang dan waktu, oleh karenanya pengejaranpun kan berakhir.

Banyak manusia memiliki keyakinan akan kebenaran, karena mereka hidup dalam ketakutan, tiada rasa aman bagi yang tidak berkeyakinan.

Jika kau dan aku adalah kebenaran, maka kita tidak memerlukan keyakinan apapun, oleh karenanya segala beban ketakutan dan keyakinan yang besertanya akan terlepaskan.

Dharma svarupa, Satyam svarupa, Prema svarupa, Shanti svarupa, apapun yang kau dan aku sebut untuk semua itu, jika kau dan aku adalah segalanya itu, masihkah kan tersisa duka, kesedihan, dan penderitaan yang telah membelenggu kita selama ini.

Jika kau dan aku telah mengingat kembali kesederhanaan ini, mengapa kita masih bergulat dengan kebimbangan dan keraguan.

Jika kau dan aku belum mampu melihat indahnya bayangan rembulan di sebuah telaga, mungkin saja airnya tidak lagi jernih dan hening.

Jika kau dan aku telah dapat mengenali segala hal yang menjadikan kesederhanaan ini rumit dan menyedihkan, mungkin kita dapat mengembalikan kesederhanaan ini.

Kita dapat duduk di alam terbuka bersama, namun kita tidak dapat mengundang semilir kesejukan angin untuk datang menghampiri kita.

Jika kau dan aku sungguh memahami, segala pertanyaan akan berakhir di sini.

Self-Knowledge

Right thinking comes with self-knowledge. Without understanding yourself, you have no basis for thought; without self-knowledge what you think is not true.

You and the world are not two different entities with separate problems; you and the world are one. Your problem is the world’s problem. You may be the result of certain tendencies, of environmental influences, but you are not different fundamentally from another. Inwardly we are very much alike; we are all driven by greed, ill will, fear, ambition, and so on. Our beliefs, hopes, aspirations have a common basis. We are one; we are one humanity, though the artificial frontiers of economics and politics and prejudice divide us. If you kill another, you are destroying yourself. You are the center of the whole, and without understanding yourself you cannot understand reality.

We have an intellectual knowledge of this unity but we keep knowledge and feeling in different compartments and hence we never experience the extraordinary unity of man.

The Book of Life – January 30

Creative Emptiness

Can you not just listen to this as the soil receives the seed and see if the mind is capable of being free, empty? It can be empty only by understanding all its own projections, its own activities, not off and on, but from day to day, from moment to moment. Then you will find the answer, then you will see that the change comes without your asking, that the state of creative emptiness is not a thing to be cultivated—it is there, it comes darkly, without any invitation, and only in that state is there a possibility of renewal, newness, revolution.

The Book of Life – January 29

Self-Knowing

Without knowing yourself, do what you will, there cannot possibly be the state of meditation. I mean by “self-knowing,” knowing every thought, every mood, every word, every feeling; knowing the activity of your mind—not knowing the supreme self, the big self; there is no such thing; the higher self, the Atman, is still within the field of thought. Thought is the result of your conditioning, thought is the response of your memory—ancestral or immediate. And merely to try to meditate without first establishing deeply, irrevocably, that virtue which comes about through self-knowing, is utterly deceptive and absolutely useless.Please, it is very important for those who are serious to understand this. Because if you cannot do that, your meditation and actual living are divorced, are apart—so wide apart that though you may meditate, taking postures indefinitely, for the rest of your life, you will not see beyond your nose; any posture you take, anything that you do, will have no meaning whatsoever.…It is important to understand what this self-knowing is, just to be aware, without any choice, of the “me” which has its source in a bundle of memories—just to be conscious of it without interpretation, merely to observe the movement of the mind. But that observation is prevented when you are merely accumulating through observation—what to do, what not to do, what to achieve, what to achieve; if you do that, you put an end to the living process of the movement of the mind as the self. That is, I have to observe and see the fact, the actual, the what is. If I approach it with an idea, with an opinion—such as “I must not,” or “I must,” which are the responses of memory—then the movement of what is is hindered, is blocked; and therefore, there is no learning.

The Book of Life – January 28

Quiet Mind, Simple Mind

When we are aware of ourselves, is not the whole movement of living a way of uncovering the “me,” the ego, the self? The self is a very complex process that can be uncovered only in relationship, in our daily activities, in the way we talk, the way we judge, calculate, the way we condemn others and ourselves. All that reveals the conditioned state of our own thinking, and is it not important to be aware of this whole process? It is only through awareness of what is true from moment to moment that there is discovery of the timeless, the eternal. Without self-knowledge, the eternal cannot be. When we do not know ourselves, the eternal becomes a mere word, a symbol, a speculation, a dogma, a belief, an illusion to which the mind can escape. But if one begins to understand the “me” in all its various activities from day to day, then in that very understanding, without any effort, the nameless, the timeless comes into being. But the timeless is not a reward for self-knowledge. That which is eternal cannot be sought after; the mind cannot acquire it. It comes into being when the mind is quiet, and the mind can be quiet only when it is simple, when it is no longer storing up, condemning, judging, weighing. It is only the simple mind that can understand the real, not the mind that is full of words, knowledge, information. The mind that analyzes, calculates, is not a simple mind.

The Book of Life – January 27

Creativeness Through Self-Knowledge

…There is no method for self-knowledge. Seeking a method invariably implies the desire to attain some result and that is what we all want. We follow authority—if not that of a person, then of a system, of an ideology—because we want a result that will be satisfactory, which will give us security. We really do not want to understand ourselves, our impulses and reactions, the whole process of our thinking, the conscious as well as the unconscious; we would rather pursue a system that assures us of a result. But the pursuit of a system is invariably the outcome of our desire for security, for certainty, and the result is obviously not the understanding of oneself. When we follow a method, we must have authorities—the teacher, the guru, the savior, the Master—who will guarantee us what we desire; and surely that is not the way to self-knowledge.

Authority prevents the understanding of oneself, does it not? Under the shelter of an authority, a guide, you may have temporarily a sense of security, a sense of well-being, but that is not the understanding of the total process of oneself. Authority in its very nature prevents the full awareness of oneself and therefore ultimately destroys freedom; in freedom alone can there be creativeness. There can be creativeness only through self-knowledge.

The Book of Life – January 26

Galungan & Kuningan

Jika saya mengingat semua perjalanan terdahulu, entah sudah berapa perayaan yang telah dilewati. Banyak yang dapat diingat saat-saat semua itu kembali dalam sebuah renungan. Saat masih kecil, saya diajak oleh keluarga untuk mendatangi pura-pura saat perayaan, sebagai anak kecil yang belum banyak memahami hal ini, tentu mata dan pikiran ini selalu melirik ke arah yang lebih ‘menyenangkan’ seperti mainan dan berbagai kerumunan yang menarik perhatian.
Dan beberapa waktu-pun kemudian berlalu, saat masa-masa bersekolah dimulai, berbagai pemahaman mengenai perayaan ini telah disampaikan pada mata pelajaran agama, saya pun mengenal bahwa perayaan ini adalah apa yang dikenal sebagai Hari Raya Galungan. Saya cukup puas pada saat itu tentang penjelasan kemenangan Dharma melawan adharma sebagai hikmah Galungan. Itulah masa remaja saat saya datang ke Pura pada Galungan dan Galungan lainnya setiap enam bulan, tidak lagi melirik ke arah hal-hal yang saya anggap menyenangkan pada masa kanak-kanak, terkecuali hal-hal itu memang ada pada lapang di mana saya memandang. Saat itu saya datang dengan ‘kesenangan’ yang berbeda, saya datang menemui Tuhan. Walau mata dan telinga ini tidak dapat menangkap kehadiran-Nya, ‘kesenangan’ itu tidak berkurang.
Saya datang dengan berbagai pertanyaan dan permintaan, Beliau memang tidak pernah menjawab setiap pertanyaan, namun selalu mengabulkan setiap permohonan, well … it is complicated.
Masa-masa sekolah yang memberikan kurikulum pemahaman Galungan-pun akhirnya berlalu. Perjalanan kemudian berlanjut dengan lebih banyak pertanyaan – mungkin karena semua permohonan dapat dikabulkan – jadi hanya pertanyaan yang belum terjawablah yang masih menumpuk.
I have come to you with so much wishes and question My Lord, You already have granted all my wishes, but non of my questions has been solve. I do not need to believe in You neither do trust in You, cause I know You are here, thats more then whole believe and trust I could get. So would You grand one more of wish of mine … shall let me in my journey to reveal the essential truth beyond all my questions ….” Kemudian saya pun tersenyum “You’re welcome“.
Kini Galungan datang kembali, gaungan kemenangan Dharma masih tidak surut selayaknya dulu. Antusias masyarakat terus bertambah, selayaknya memang kemenangan Dharma memang dirayakan. Menjadikan isnpirasi bagi kita semua untuk tetap memegang teguh Dharma.
Hmm …. jauh di dalam kesunyian ini, pertanyaan-pertanyaan telah mengalir dan berlalu dalam kekosongan.
Saya telah melihat selama ini dalam pikiran saya, saya telah membuat pemisahan antara Dharma dan diri saya, antara Adharma dan diri saya. Terselung jauh oleh pengetahuan dan ingatan yang menjadikan kabut ketidaktahuan makin pekat, saya telah melupakan bagaimana batin ini membentuk kedua hal tersebut. Bagaimana pengetahuan akan kemenangan Dharma dan buruknya adharma telah mengkondisikan saya, saya telah bertindak sebagaimana yang telah didogmatisasi oleh pengetahuan ini.
Saya telah melihat bagaimana hal-hal itu telah memberikan ‘kesenangan’ pada batin saya, namun ia tidak pernah bisa memberikan kebebasan yang mutlak. Melampaui Dharma dan adharma itu sendiri.
Saya telah melihat ‘kesenangan’ ini mengikat saya, saya senang Dharma telah dikatakan menang (dan mungkin akan sebaliknya jika ceritanya berbeda), saya menjadi senang orang-orang memiliki pemahaman yang sama bahwa Dharma adalah jalan hidup, dan orang seharusnya menghargainya – namun menjadi sebaliknya jika tidak, saya menjadi tidak menyukai hal-hal yang berbau adharma.
Dan lihatlah ini, betapa konsep Dharma dan Adharma telah mengikat saya dalam lingkaran suka dan duka, dalam gerak pikiran yang teramat terbatas.
Batin yang telah melahirkan konsep ini terperangkap dalam labirin yang ia buat sendiri.
Namun saat saya melihat bahwa semua hal ini bermula dari diri saya, maka saya dapat melihat semuanya berakhir begitu saja. Memahami bagaimana diri saya telah menciptakan ilusi pengetahuan ini, sebuah rantai suka dan duka terputus jua.
I see to observe one self … one begin to understand … that is the begining of wisdom … the begining of the true Dharma.
Selamat Hari Raya Galungan dan Kuningan.